Sleep, writing, and Break-up songs...

Sleep seems to be rather elusive for me these days. I can only seem to feel tired when it's not an optimal/appropriate time for me to be sleeping. I keep going to bed later and getting up later each day. So, I decided yesterday that I was going to trick my body. I would stay up and not sleep until the following night... I thought that would get my body back on track.

Well, I managed to make it to roughly 1:30 pm yesterday. Then I fell asleep for about 3 hours. And, I still couldn't sleep this morning (I try to be on Philip's schedule... he goes to bed at about 6 or 7 in the morning and wakes up at around 2 or 3 pm since he works nights). So, here I am at 9 am, wide awake when I should be sound asleep next to Philip and Jack in the nice, cozy bed.

Anyway, I thought that since I was awake anyway, I would work some more on the book that I'm writing. It's one of three novels that I've begun. This one is a journal-style novel. It's geared toward young adults. It tells the story of a teen girl's break-up with her first love. It's actually going really well... for once. haha... hopefully this one won't get half-finished and spend a year on my flash-drive untouched. ;)

I usually listen to music while I write. I realized that my current "Favorites" playlist is actually very fitting for what I am writing about. It consists of mostly break-up songs. I thought maybe it was a fluke because of what I've been writing about, but when I thought about it, I realized that most all of my favorite songs throughout the years have been break-up songs.

My current list includes:
Aerosmith: What It Takes (My favorite song of all time)
Blue October: Say It
David Nail: Red Light
Jason Aldean: The Truth
Keith Urban: Til Summer Comes Around
Lady Antebellum: Need You Now
Muse: The Resistance
Rise Against: Savior
Safetysuit: Find A Way
The Script: Breakeven

The Resistance and Find a Way aren't really break-up songs, but are songs of forbidden love. The rest are all break-up songs. Then, I have two other songs on the list: Kesha's Tik Tok (I know, I just can't get it out of my head!), and Weezer's Island In The Sun (because it just makes me happy).

I am not a fan of drama... I don't enjoy break-ups. However, I think I enjoy the songs because they remind me of times when I have felt pain so acutely. And, despite the anguish and pain of those times, they were times when I felt truly alive and they were important turning points in my life. Beyond that, I think they are songs that bring people together (how ironic, right!? lol) because not many people can say that they've never been through a break-up. And the few that haven't can probably still clearly imagine what it would feel like.

Also, even with the immense pain that some break-ups bring, I still know that everything comes out better in the end. So, the songs may seem sad or depressing, but they remind me that through pain, true joy can be known.

My Jealousy of Kurt Vonnegut

Last night, I finished reading Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut. It was my first time reading that book, but I've read several other Vonnegut books (my favorite being Slapstick). I absolutely love reading Vonnegut books. He has such an interesting writing style. I've started writing multiple novels. I have attempted to write like Vonnegut. I just CANNOT do it. When I attempt it, the finished product just sounds ridiculous and nonsensical. When Vonnegut does it, it's delicious.

I am insanely jealous. How did he do it? I mean, when someone asks me what I'm reading, I can only give them a title. How can you even begin to describe the awesomeness that is a Vonnegut novel? I mean, when you try to describe it, it sounds ridiculous. You can only give a VERY broad description. But when you read the novel, you can't put it down. You want there to be more. You can't look away. It's insanity, but it's beautiful.

Who else can do what he did? He was a master of satire. There are still a few books that he wrote that I have yet to read. I almost think that I am subconsciously holding off on reading them. He passed away in 2007, so there will be no more. And that is depressing. So, I want to hold on to each novel for as long as possible before moving on to the next. I'm savoring them.

Also, as I said before, I am mad jealous. When I finish a chapter, I think, why can't I do that?! So, as I read, the book is bittersweet. Sweet because it is perfection; bitter because of my envy and because there is a limited amount left for me to uncover.

If you have not had the pleasure of Mr. Vonnegut's company, please, do yourself a favor and check this out. It is a collection of short stories called Welcome to the Monkey House. Even if you only have a few minutes, you need to read at least one. And if you have to choose just one, I recommend Harrison Bergeron.

Oh, and one last thing... If you know of any authors similar to Vonnegut, please let me know. :D


"What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured."
-- Kurt Vonnegut

Blah, blah, blah

So, I'm bored. I dislike my job. I want to quit, but I cannot. I need the money (I would complain about the mortgage payment but I love the house too much to do so). The economy is beyond sucking. So, I cannot find another job. It pretty much blows. A lot. I've been trying to stay positive about my job. It's hard to do though. I'm sick of it. At least I have my Fridays off now. It makes it much easier to tolerate.

Even though I am currently stuck, I've been trying to think about what I want to do with my life. What have I come up with? Nothing. I have no idea. I'm completely lost. What do I want to do with my life? A million different things. I've thought about going to seminary. I've thought about becoming a cop (weird, huh?!). I've thought about becoming a nurse (scary considering the fact that I'm a belonephobiac). Most of what I've really thought about requires more education. I'm kind of, sort of ready to go back to school... almost. But, I couldn't go back to school right now even if I was ready because of financial reasons.

What I'm dreaming about now is finishing this book and then it creating enough income for myself so that I can stay at home and just write. I know... it's incredibly unlikely. And even if it does happen, I'm sure it will not be for a long time. Especially since I have very little motivation to do much writing. I'm doing a lot of reading right now, but very litting writing. I need to get going in a higher gear. It's just hard to be motivated when I'm feeling lousy about the job and feeling so unsure about where my life is headed.

Ugh. At least things are getting better. I'm watching more of what I eat and I'm getting enough exercise. I've lost some weight. I look better. I'm just waiting for my mind to follow the lead of my body. :)

Last Evening...

I was very proud of myself last night. I was very productive.

I've noticed that I've put on a few pounds in the past few months. I've become a bum, so my bum has gotten bigger and I have noticeable love handles. The bum I can deal with, but I am not a fan of love handles. Especially when they're only there because I've been lazy. It's too easy of a fix to let myself get love handles.

I'm lucky. I have a high metabolism. When I am relatively active, I have no problems keeping weight off. By relatively active, I mean go for a walk a few times a week. I've had more problems with laziness since graduating. I go to work. I sit at a desk for most of the day. I come home and don't want to do anything. While at Catawba, I walked everywhere. I was really active. So, weight wasn't a problem. And I ate a lot because I worked it off. Well, I've kept the same eating habits, but not the same activity habits.

Yesterday, I weighed myself. I have never ever weighed more than 118 lbs. Usually I'm between 110 and 115. I told myself that I would never let myself get over 120 lbs (without extenuating circumstances like pregnancy). Well, I am really ashamed to admit this, but I know that telling other people will motivate me to work harder to get rid of the weight. The scale showed my weight as 121.5 with clothes on. I don't know how much my clothes weigh, but I hope it's a few pounds!

It was scary for me to see. I know that some of you will think, "Boo hoo. That's not bad," but it is bad for me and I'm the only one who counts. I don't let my weight get too low and I don't let my weight get too high (by my standards). Below 108 is far too low and above 120 is far too high, for me. Yes, I know. It's not fat. I'm not saying that I'm obese or even overweight by most standards, but it is more than my ideal weight. I'm not trying to make people to feel bad because they are heavier or say that 120 lbs is fat (I don't think it is). I just think that 120 is to much for me (also, keep in mind that I'm only 5'3" and I have small bone structure).

Blah, blah, blah... Anyway, moving on... Last night, I worked out. For about 45 minutes. I did a 10 minute run. Then I did crunches. Then I did the inversion table. Then I walked for 20 minutes at a steep incline on the treadmill. Then I did more crunches. Then I did weights. Then I did a cool down stretch. And, afterwards, I was really proud of myself. :) I also did not have dessert last night... which I've been having a lot of lately. lol

And, after my workout, I played with my boys for a little while. Then I went to the office and worked on my book for about an hour. It's the most work I've done on it so far. I know, I'm bad. I've been doing lots of brainstorming before bed, but I actually started doing some writing and outlining and organizing last night. I was very impressed. And I like where my book is going. :) Oh, and as a very, very, very, very small teaser... the name of the planet where the aliens are from is going to be called "Aleutia." So, the aliens are actually Aleutians. I'm very happy with that name. It took me a little while to figure out a name that I liked. And, the main characters names will be Alex (or Lexix as he is called on Aleutia), and the human's name is June. I may actually change June's name. What do you think? Give me some feedback.

And then I couldn't sleep. I thought working out was supposed to help you be able to sleep? I guess I'll have to do some more before I see a difference. :)

UPDATE: I forgot to say that I lost one pound after just one day. My weight on Wednesday was 120.5. :)

New Years Resolutions

I always do New Years Resolutions. And, I, unlike a lot of people, actually complete most of my resolutions. There's one that I never ever manage to stick to. It is, of course, the fitness resolution. However, despite my past failure, it will again be on my list for 2009. :)

1.) I have decided to write a book. So far, it's only in my head. But, everything has to start somewhere. Okay, don't laugh. It's going to be about aliens. Hahahahaha... yeah, I know. Sounds like a best-seller, right?! But, I'm sure that J.K. Rowling got the same crap about wizards, and Christopher Paolini about dragons, and Stephenie Meyer about vampires. So, I'm sticking with my aliens. :)

2.) I will work out at least 3 times per week.

3.) I will read at least one book for fun per month (this is always my favorite resolution).

4.) I will add at least one new word to my vocabulary each week.

5.) I will meet new people in Shelby, so that Joe and I will have friends closer than an hour away.

6.) I will volunteer at least 3 hours per week.

7.) I will pray/meditate at least every other day.

8.) I will work to make my relationship with Joe stronger. I will be positive and supportive.

I normally have at least 10 resolutions, but I figure, with writing a book, I can probably knock a few resolutions off. I won't have time for much else! :)

And I wish you luck with all of your resolutions. :)