A Big Decision

I made a big decision on Saturday regarding my vegetarianism.  

For the past 2 months or so, I've been craving meat.  I haven't craved any meat since just a few months after becoming vegetarian.  Being vegetarian has never really been very difficult for me.  And, I've been at it for almost 4 years.  

I've been toying with the idea for a few months now.  I hadn't really said much to anyone because I was curious to see if I would change my mind.  Saturday, I mentioned it to Philip.  We talked about it.  He was worried that I felt pressured to eat meat.  Honestly, I don't.  Philip has always been nothing but supportive of my vegetarianism.  Even most of the people around me are supportive (even if they don't understand).  

It's actually quite the opposite.  I feel pressured to stay vegetarian.  This is for many reasons.  First of all, I've been doing this for so long that it feels like a part of me.  I am reluctant to give up part of my identity.  Also, after 4 years, it feels like I'm just quitting.  I am not a quitter, so it's hard for me to just stop.  

Besides pressure from myself, there is also pressure from other vegetarians.  Some of them are kind of mean about the lifestyle.  I don't want to disappoint.  I also fear a lot of the backlash from them.  

Next up, pressure from my own body.  I am a bit worried about getting sick from eating meat.  It's common for vegetarians to become ill when eating meat again (meat actually isn't good for your digestive system).  Before becoming vegetarian, I had IBS.  I haven't had any problems with it since cutting meat out of my diet.  I worry that it will come back (and that isn't something I look forward to).  

And, lastly, I still love animals.  A lot.  I am not sure that I can eat meat without thinking about what it is I am eating (and that it had a face and a personality at one point).  I'm not sure that I should be able to.  

So, what decision did I make?