A Sad Day for Music...

The King of Pop, Michael Jackson, passed away yesterday afternoon. It's certainly a sad day for music.

I don't know if the allegations against him were true (regarding child molestation), but I'm sure no one would argue that he certainly was a strange man. However, no matter how strange he was, he still brought a lot to the table. He forever changed pop music. And he left us with a lot of awesome songs. :)

Ridiculously happy :)

I am completely and utterly, ridiculously happy. :) I don't think I've ever been so happy in all of my life. And that's even with all of the drama still in my life. It's so incredibly wonderful. :)

Philip and I haven't been dating for very long, but I'm so in love with him. He's the most wonderful boyfriend I've ever had. There aren't enough positive adjectives to describe how I feel.

He's sweet and caring. He's smart and funny. He wants to make me happy. He tells me I'm beautiful and he treats me so well. And we have so much fun together. We've gone to a few concerts together (side note: The Fray was soooo incredibly AWESOME! It was definitely worth the money. And they were with Jack's Mannequin who are also great in concert... they have so much energy!) and we've gone to Carowinds together (before that, I hadn't been on a rollercoaster in years!). We actually enjoy the same things!

I know it sounds crazy, but I've never really had this before. I've been in love before. I was in love with Michael and I was in love with Joe. However, I didn't really have that much in common with either of them. It makes things a lot more complicated. I enjoyed being in their company, but there wasn't a whole lot we could do together. Michael and I had racing. Joe and I went for walks and played games together. Neither of them liked concerts or crowds. So, I didn't get to go to concerts or to amusement parks or anything like that (because I'm a people pleaser).

With Philip, we like doing a lot of the same things. It's awesome. We can just hang out and watch a movie and smoke the hookah (without him getting antsy about not doing anything). We can go ride a bunch of rollercoasters (without him having a panic attack about all of the people or complaining about the lines). We can go to a concert (without him complaining about the crowds and the noise). We can lay around and talk (without the need to go!go!go!). And he can hold me without it having to lead to something more. I've never had this before.

Philip is the perfect boyfriend. If someone would have told me that last year, I probably would have laughed. But it's true. I don't know how he managed to keep it a secret. He is wonderful. I am a very lucky woman. :)

My blog...

If you don't want to know what I'm thinking, don't read my blog. It's that simple. I am not going to censor myself so that other people can be comfortable. This is my blog. These are my thoughts. If you don't like it, stay off my page.

Life...

I swear, every time I think things are going well, something else falls onto my lap.

Joe and I agreed that the dogs would stay with him until I could get on my feet. I couldn't find an apartment that would let me keep the dogs, so I got a cheap apartment where I could hopefully save up some money and be able to afford to buy a house next year. I wasn't thrilled about it because they are my dogs and I would like for them to live with me. But, I thought Joe would take care of them.

He told me this morning that he's decided to have them all be outside dogs. He says it keeps the house cleaner. Well, the house would be cleaner if he never went home either, but I don't see him doing that.

I am absolutely livid. The dogs have always been indoor dogs. And now, suddenly they're supposed to be outdoor? They are scared to be outside by themselves at night and now they're supposed to have to sleep out there? And Jack gets cold if it's below 70 degrees. He is definitely not an outdoor dog. And Cody is already taking everything so badly that he's going to be even more traumatized. He misses me and doesn't know what to do. And now he's really going to feel abandoned.

It's days like today where I wonder what I ever saw in Joe.

And some stuff happened...

Things are going great in my life again. :)

Joe has decided to stay friends with me. He finally figured out that other people's crap is irrelevant to our situation. We had a wonderful chat on Friday and then we hung out for a few hours on Sunday. It's wonderful to have my best friend back. :)

Yes, I am dating Philip. So far, people are either completely shocked or they saw it coming for a while. The people who saw it coming scare me. lol... it's weird to me because I didn't see it coming at all.

I met Philip over 4 years ago. If someone would have told me then that this would happen, I would have laughed in their face. Of course, Philip and I have both changed a lot in that time.

Even if someone would have told me 2 months ago that this would happen, I would have laughed. I guess Philip has had feelings for me for a little while though. A friend of Philip's saw it coming for years. Before even Philip felt anything. That is scary. She is obviously psychic and worthy of my fear. lol

Another surprising thing... Philip is by far the best boyfriend I have ever had. I know I'm not really all that experienced with that (my total is up to 3 boyfriends now... lol), but still, I know he's wonderful. He really knows how to treat a woman. :) He listens. He talks. He is so sweet. He's not nearly as big of a pain as he pretends to be. Ha!

Something slight disturbing... Apparently I'm a whore. lol... it feels funny to write that. I'm just kidding about it though. It's just something frustrating that I've come across in recent weeks. A few weeks ago, someone assumed that because I'm dating Philip that I was having sex with him... and that was after only dating him for a few days. It's irritating to me because I think that people should know me better than that.

A friend of mine started dating someone who he didn't really know and almost immediately started a physical relationship with her. That's horrifying to me. I know that he's in love, but still... he doesn't know her at all. I don't know how people jump into that. I mean, I've been friends with Philip for about 4 and a half years and I don't feel comfortable jumping into bed with him. How do people have sex with people they don't know??

Blah... I'm done with that now. I went to Carowinds on Saturday with Philip. I had an awesome time. :) It's funny to me that I am terrified of falling and heights, but I love roller coasters. It's nice to have someone to go with me. I can do what I want again. It's fantastic. I love Joe, but I feel like I lost who I was with him. And now I've found me again. It's wonderful.

You wanna talk about betrayal??

People cannot be trusted. People who you think are your friends will stab you in the back. People will be nosy and ignorant. People will do more harm than good.

Everyone knows by now that Joe and I broke up a few weeks ago. That is between Joe and I. We were working things out just fine and trying to stay friends until people butted into that. Joe and I couldn't work it out. We both knew it was the right decision. End of story. After it all, Joe told me that he wanted me to be happy and to move on. Not that it's any of your damn business, but I am.

Someone who I thought was my friend really messed with Joe's head this weekend. Talking about how I betrayed him and that what I was doing was really messed up.

First of all, I never betrayed Joe. I never cheated on him. I haven't been anything but honest with him about everything since the break-up. He has supported all of my decisions (that you can verify with him).

I think it's really funny that this "friend" wanted to talk to Joe about betrayal. First of all, he was hanging out with me this weekend and never said anything about it to me. He just pretended that everything was fine. That seems like a fucking betrayal on his part. He betrayed me by going behind my back. If he has a problem with what's going on, he should say something to me. Not bash me to other people.

Second of all, his current relationship status is messed up. He has done more betrayal than I have. He's lying and possibly cheating and certainly misrepresenting himself. And I told him upfront how I felt about that. But he couldn't say things to my face?? I would say that what he is doing is the pot calling the kettle black, but I haven't cheated or lied. He has no right to talk about betrayal. Joe and I are still honest with each other. He's the fucker.

And, to all of you other jerks out there, mind your own damn business. You're just making everything more complicated than what it is. You're making things harder on Joe, not me. I've been honest and up front with everyone about everything I've done. I've got Joe's support in what I'm doing. None of you other "friends" matter.

A few good things have come out of this. I've been able to find out who my true friends are. Thanks for being there. You have made this easier and you've been wonderful.

This note is aimed at the few who have been back stabbing. You know who you are. Go fuck yourselves.