Pictures from Korea + Vocation

Well, I don't really feel like blogging. I'm not feeling especially great. However, I did get my pictures uploaded to my Picasa account and I wanted to let everyone know that they can go see them at this website: http://picasaweb.google.com/taralyn14. I took over 1,000 pictures and videos while in South Korea. I haven't gone through the pictures or fixed them, so there may be pictures that are fuzzy/blurry or that you may not know what they are. I'm slowly going through them to at least put what they are if it's not clear. I don't know when I'll actually get to fixing them. Like I said, I feel crappy and I've not got a lot of motivation right now.

I've also got a lot on my mind. The trip made me think about a lot of things. Mostly about where my life is headed. One thing is for sure... I will never be going back to South Korea again. I enjoyed hanging out with Jon and Aileen but the country is definitely not for me.

I thought some more about vocation. It upsets me that some people find theirs so easily. Why haven't I been called to do something yet? I don't know what I want to do.

That may not be completely true. Actually, I think I'm starting to hear my calling. I think I may be blocking it out though. It's scary. I used to think that my calling was motherhood. Everyone I knew thought so, too. I loved kids. I loved taking care of people. I love to be needed (I think everyone has that one). I've pushed that away in the past few years. I think mostly because it scares me to death. First of all, childbirth. Horrifying. I could always adopt though. It's something I've thought about a lot.

Secondly, I made a promise to myself that I would put my life on hold if I were ever to have children. I will not work while they're not in school and I plan to homeschool my children for at least a few years (I refuse to let someone else raise my children). Well, right now, it's completely financially unfeasible for me to do this. Joe and I still have 14.5 years left until our house is paid off. That puts me at 38 years old. That is too old for me (personally) to have children.

Thirdly, I'm unmarried and I have no health insurance. The first is not really a deal breaker for me, but I would like to be married before I have children. The second is very important. I need something to help me pay for hospital visits, etc. before I can think about babies.

Fourthly, that is a HUGE responsibility. I'm scared that I wouldn't end up being good at it when it came to my own children. Also, somehow, I've managed to become less patient as the years have gone by. However, my dogs are better behaved than a lot of the children that I've come across recently. I must have done something right there.

Fifthly, Joe. I love him very much, but anyone who has met him knows that he's not the most patient person or the most forgiving. I want to be with Joe. I don't know if he's ready (or if he ever will be) to have children. And on top of that, sometimes taking care of Joe and the dogs and our household is a full time job in itself.

So, for all of these reasons and probably more, I am fighting what I think my vocation may be. I really think that I just want to be a stay at home mom. It's wonderful and horrifying all at the same time. I think I have to stew on it for quite a while longer and see if I still feel this way. And if I do, I guess I'll have to figure out a plan to get me on my way.

Ugh. Horrifying.

Random Life...

My weight loss program isn't going so hot. I've stayed pretty much the same weight. I'm noticing that I look and feel better though, so at least I've got that.

This weather is going to drive me crazy. I don't know whether I love it or I hate it. It's insane because it's in the 70s in February. February is winter. It should not be 70 degrees until at least April. At least. Probably not until May or June. At least I got to see snow twice this winter. Damn early spring. That groundhog was so wrong. Even if it isn't supposed to be like this, it is so nice!

We went hiking on Sunday. We went to Joe's Uncle Joe's property at South Mountain. We took all 4 dogs because they don't have to be on leashes there. They just walk a little big ahead of Joe and I. They had a wonderful time. We hiked to the waterfall and then Joe and I had lunch. There was still ice on the water around the edges (even though it was in the 70s), but that didn't stop Cody, Daly, and Jippy from jumping in (of course Jack stayed out of that cold water! He wouldn't have jumped in if it were warm!). Jippy stopped after one time, but Cody and Daly just kept going back in. Cody kept trying to get the huge chunks of ice (like he normally does with sticks that we throw in the water). It was really cute. Joe tried to help him get a big piece with a stick, but then Cody just became more interested in the stick than the ice. He's adorable. Anyway, we hiked back to the road after a while.

I don't know if I blogged about this yet, but my hours have been rearranged at work and now I only work 7:30 to 5:30 Monday through Thursday and I have a 3 day weekend. It is so wonderful. I can actually get things done around the house! This Friday, I will be devoting less time to cleaning and organizing the house (as I have done the past 2 Fridays), and instead, I will be working some more on my book. News about the book: our computer crashed last week and I lost all that I had typed up about the book. No, I didn't have it backed up anywhere. However, I do have a handwritten version of all of my notes and outlines. :)

Also, I don't think I blogged about this either. Joe and I have talked about getting married. I know, we're insane. Don't worry; it will still be a while. We've just decided that whenever it happens, we are now ready for it. We want to take several days off work and rent a cabin in the mountains. A cabin big enough for a lot of people. We're going to invite our closest relatives and friends (definitely no more than 50 people, but probably closer to 30). Anyone who would like to stay at the cabin is welcome to. We'll spend a few days hanging out, then have a very small ceremony on our anniversary (September 23). Then after that, we'll have a reception and hang out for a while and then kick everyone out so that we can have a short honeymoon. :)

So far, we are thinking probably 2011. We have our vacation for this year planned (KOREA in less than a month!!!) and we are planning on going to Rome next year, but we have no vacation plans so far for 2011. So, don't make any plans for September 23, 2011. It's quite possible that you'll be attending our wedding. :) Of course, Joe still has to officially ask me to marry him. But that is just a minor detail. lol :) With plans for 2011, I don't think there is any real hurry. It's still 2.5 years away!

What I'm Thankful For...

1. My wonderful family: Joe, Jack, Cody, Jippy, & Daly. My babies are smart and sweet and beautiful.
2. My fantastic friends.
3. My healed relationships with my parents and sister.
4. A house not in Crackton.
5. Four-Day weekends :)
6. A degree in Religion & Philosophy (I can't believe I finished in May... It seems so long ago now).
7. Mario Kart. It's amazing how much fun it can be. Especially with cool people.
8. Black Bean Soup. It's just so incredibly comforting and delicious. :)
9. Good books... like the Twilight Saga and White Oleander. You just can't beat curling up with a good book.
10. Rain. It rained yesterday. I missed that a lot during the drought (technically a lot of NC is still in a drought -- Shelby is still in a Severe drought, Salisbury is in a Moderate drought, and Charlotte is still "Abnormally Dry", but there are now only 6 counties in an "Exceptional Drought" and only 8 counties in the slightly less bad "Extreme Drought." See the link for more info.).
11. Autumn. There actually was a fall in North Carolina this year. It was beautiful. Oh, how I have missed the change in seasons. Indiana always changes dramatically and I missed that in NC. I didn't have to miss it this year! :)
12. Hope. In many things. A hopeful change in direction for the way our country is headed. A possibility of snow in Shelby, North Carolina. :) A house in a nice neighborhood. A lot of things.
13. Having tickets to South Korea to see a couple of amazingly awesome people.
14. A job. Not my dream job. Not an exciting job. But, a job. That pays pretty well. And that is something that no everyone has. Especially with the way the world is right now.
15. A clean conscience (vegetarian since August 20, 2007). I can look animals in the eye without the guilt of knowing that their kin had to die for my dinner. :)
16. Netflix. It is so awesome that I can watch movies and tv shows online. It makes me happy.
17. Good television. Mostly The Big Bang Theory and Heroes. They keep me entertained on Monday nights while Joe is gone to his basketball game. :) And to go along with this, Sylar... Wonderful character. You have to love the bad guy who has the potential for something good. Keeps me on the edge of my seat. And I would totally date any of the guys from Big Bang. They are awesome! lol

And so much more... I am just thankful for the here and now. :) It's wonderful.