Home

It seems like a simple enough word.  Four letters.  One syllable.  Home.  It really shouldn't be complicated.

Well, mine is.  My family is in northern Indiana.  I lived there for the first 19 years of my life.  After that, it was on to North Carolina for college.  And, now I live in Colorado.  

That means that I am over 1,000 miles away from my family.  And, I'm about 1,600 miles away from some of my very best friends.  Sometimes I get incredibly homesick, for both my Indiana family and my North Carolina friends.  

My awkward sleep schedule, living so far away from work, and living in a very small town of families (Philip and I are the only couple without children in our neighborhood) hasn't been very conducive to making friends.  I have made a few really awesome friends, but it doesn't take away the homesickness.  

I am really close to my family.  And, my college buddies were the first true friends that I ever had.  They understood me and were there for me through some crazy stuff.  So, I'm just going to always miss them.

It may seem that a simple solution would be to move back to Indiana (or North Carolina).  It's not that easy.  I don't like Indiana.  The only reason I really go back to the state is because of my family (and the racetracks!).  Indiana has cornfields, cornfields, more cornfields, and some bean fields thrown in to add a little flavor.  It's also really humid (no me gusta).  I also spent a lot of my childhood and teen years feeling like a freak.  As I said earlier, I didn't have any real friends until college.  

Indiana has a lot of people who I'd just as soon forget exist: closed-minded, ignorant people.  While those people exist everywhere, I've found a whole lot less of them in Colorado.  

Colorado is also breathtakingly beautiful.  I have lived here almost a year and I still can't believe the awesome views I get on my way to work every morning.  The mountains are absolutely gorgeous.  

(Source)

Denver is an amazing city.  It's just a wonderful place to live.  

(Source)

I just wish I could transplant everyone I love to Colorado.  I'm sure they'd see what a wonderful place it is!  

The Big Day

We are moving in 30 days. We will be leaving for Denver on June 26th. It is now May 27th. Less than a month to go.

Honestly, I am getting a little scared. However, I'm also SO ready to do this.

I cannot wait to live with my pups again. I know I can probably find a job pretty quickly. I know that Philip and I will be okay.

It's just the fact that we are leaving for good. I will likely never live in North Carolina again. It hasn't been perfect for me here, but it has become home.

I know that Colorado will be a better fit for me. I have just had a lot of good times here. And, I've made my only true friends here in North Carolina. However, most of those friends have now moved on as well.

The only things that are really tearing at me are the memories. And there have been so many. Good and bad. But, either way, they have been my life for the past 6 years.

I know that I will miss North Carolina. Just as I miss Indiana. I will miss them for the memories that I have of them. But, I know that neither can be my true home. I need to go out and find that place that is perfect for me. And for my family: Philip and my pups and our future family. I think that I will find that in Colorado.

Oh, ABDC Nights... You will be missed.

Thursday night I got my first stab of reality of something that I will truly miss about living here in Charlotte, North Carolina. There are a few traditions that I hold near and dear to my heart. Every Thursday night, my roommate Brandon and I watch ABDC (America's Best Dance Crew on MTV). We don't miss it. Ever. Even when I'm out of town, we still watch and call or text each other about what's going on.

In June, Philip and I will be moving to Denver, Colorado. That's about 1,600 miles away. And, around that time, Brandon will be leaving for the Republic of Korea (hopefully... *fingers crossed for ya, buddy*) to teach English.

That means that the ABDC tradition will probably cease to exist. And, it sounds silly, but that was really the first thing that has really made me think, "Ouch. I am really going to miss this." It's important to me. I don't have a lot of traditions. "Family" Thanksgiving with my college friends. Christmas with my family. Coloring and hiding Easter eggs with my family in Indiana. Watching Forrest Gump when I'm home sick. Going to Hacienda (my favorite restaurant in the world) when I go home to visit my family in Indiana. And, watching ABDC with Brandon on Thursday nights.

ABDC night isn't even just about the show. Don't get me wrong, I do love the show. However, it has also become a night of bonding. Bonding over who Brandon and I think should get to stay and who should go home. Bonding over the hookah and making jokes and just hanging out. It's become a night of fun and relaxation. And I know we both look forward to Thursday nights.

Since graduating, I've not seen a lot of my college friends very often. I see my friend Jon (check out his blog!) usually once every week or so (a lot of the time it's when he's joining Brandon and I to watch ABDC -- lol!). And, I live with Brandon. But, my other college buddies I don't see a whole lot. So, it that way, it's made it easier to leave Charlotte. My connections aren't as strong as they once were.

But, the connections I do have will be sorely missed. There are only a few episodes of ABDC left for this season. You can bet that I will be savoring every second of that time.

Life...

Ummm... so, yeah. Life. It's going on. lol

I don't have a whole lot to say. I'm still jobless. But, I love it. Not the not having a job part; the not having to go to a job that I hate part. I'm getting closer to figuring out what I want to do with my life. I can feel it. :) I feel great. I'm happy. I'm doing what I want. I'm broke, but that's just fine by me. It's really freeing actually. I don't know what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go, but I know it's going to be awesome.

I've realized that I've grown apart from most of the friends that I know here. It's sad in a way, but also, it's kind of freeing, too. No one expects anything of me. I have Philip and I've become very close to Brandon, but I've grown away from most everyone else. It's probably for the best since I plan to leave next summer... probably. lol... another uncertainty.

I'm ready to move forward. It's no secret that I'm pretty tired of North Carolina. I can't stand the summers. The heat is not my friend. And, I feel like I've found what I came here to find. I'm ready for something new. And luckily, so is Philip. Since he knows what he wants, I've told him to figure out where he wants to go to school and we will just move... Unless it's Florida. lol Fortunately, he doesn't want to live in Florida either. :)

Most likely, it will be Colorado. It's someplace we both want to go. But, that may be saved for later if he finds a school he really wants to go to. It doesn't matter to me. I'm ready for new people, new places, and new adventures. I have a gypsy soul and it's telling me it's coming close to time to move on.

Someone asked me the other day, "Aren't you scared?" The answer is yes. But that's not the question people should ask. If I never did anything I wasn't a little scared or nervous about, I wouldn't leave the house. I could die driving to the grocery store. I could fall down the stairs outside my apartment. Or, I could move someplace new and it could be awful. But, I'm not willing to give up all the awesome adventures I could be having for fear of something bad happening.

For all I know, I will move someplace new and I will not like the weather or I will have to work someplace I'm not thrilled about. Or, I could move someplace new and meet some of the best friends I could ever ask for or make the best memories of my life. I'm not ready to give up on the possibilities of those good things just because I'm nervous about the bad possibilities.

It's going to be awesome.