"How's Married Life?"

I seem to be getting this question a whole lot lately.  Honestly, it's exactly the same as engaged life... just without all that wedding planning in the way.  

Philip and I have lived together for almost our entire relationship.  We know each other inside and out.  There's no changing just because we said "I do."  

And then I get the, "So what now?" people.  When are we going to start a family?  Honestly, I've got baby fever bad.  We want kids.  Three of them.  However, we've still got a few years to go.  We've got some traveling to do first (a cruise next year and possibly another international trip the year after).  We know we won't be doing a lot of traveling once we have little ones, so we need to get that out of our system first!  

Also, we need to be more financially stable.  Philip and I actually do really well.  We are great at budgeting and make the best of what we've got.  However, when we have kids, I will be a stay at home mom.  That's $25-30k less a year.  So, we've got some preparing to do before we can afford kids.  

We need to buy a house.  Philip's credit won't allow that until 2013.  Besides that, we don't know where we will be living.  Philip is trying to find a supervisor job with Sysco.  We don't know where that will lead.  Hopefully a lot closer to my family (the Chicago job would have been nice, but that didn't pan out).  

So, Philip and I will be doing our normal thing for the next few years.  Just hanging out and enjoying the life we have together.  :)  I'm okay with that.  I'll just satisfy myself with drooling over baby clothes until we're actually ready.

(Source)

I mean, how stinkin' cute is that??  :D

Marriage

I am incredibly fortunate. I have a wonderful partner. He loves, understands, and supports me. He is caring and generous. He is smart and funny. He is my perfect partner. We have chosen to marry and, thankfully, our marriage is supported. My family loves Philip and his family loves me. We have been very lucky.

We are especially lucky that the government has chosen not to invade our privacy and interfere in our relationship. That's because we are a heterosexual, monogamous relationship. I could not imagine if I would have fallen in love with a woman or if I chose to have a polygamous marriage.

I believe that people should be able to marry whoever they choose. So long as the marriage is between consenting adults, I don't think the government should be able to intervene. I don't care if it is between a man and a woman, two men, two woman, or between 5 different people. If the people involved in that marriage consent to the marriage, the government should butt out.

I don't understand how the government can presume to tell people that homosexuals cannot marry... especially when marriage is becoming a farce as it is. Heterosexuals are doing a fine job of ruining marriage as it is, so I don't see what harm there would be in letting homosexuals marry. I mean, adultery and divorce are sins as well, but I don't see the government trying to make those things illegal either (or at least enforcing laws forbidding those sins).

Who decides which sin is worse? And who decides which ridiculous laws the government is going to try to push? It seems to me that if the government were really trying to act in "defense of marriage," they would outlaw divorce. Wouldn't that make more sense? Don't get me wrong. I am against marriage but I do understand that there are legitimate reasons for divorce (I just wish people didn't get married at the drop of a hat so that marriage would not end in divorce so often). However, I think that divorce does a lot more damage to the idea of marriage than homosexuality does.

There are so many loveless, sexless, hopeless marriages that the government does not try to control... so why should they interfere in a marriage just because 2 men or 2 women are marrying? Who is to say that 2 women or 2 men cannot be just as happy (or happier) than the typical heterosexual couple?

I cannot imagine someone telling me that I could not marry Philip. How would you feel if someone told you that you could not marry your soulmate? It is outrageous.

I know that a lot of people who support gay marriage do not support polygamy. I do. I am not saying that polygamy is going to work for every family. However, I think that people should be able to make their own decisions on how to form their families (within reason -- no family should be allowed to harm their spouse(s) or child(ren)). I think it could be perfectly reasonable for man to have more than one wife or for a woman to have more than one husband. Think of the financial gains for having more than one or two breadwinners in a family. Think of the added help with household chores. Think of the added support for the children in the family.

I know that most people think of the clans that do horrible things to women and children, but this does not have to be the way all polygamous families work. Those clans are disgusting. That's not what I mean when I talk about polygamy. I don't want to see forced marriages or abuse. I'm just saying that polygamy could work in a healthy way.

There is a huge adultery problem in the U.S. I do not condone it, and I would never cheat on my partner, but there is a part of me who understands why some people do seek sex outside of their marriage. People crave variety. If there were multiple partners in a family, that desire for variety could possibly be met (maybe).

Again, I don't think this would work for everyone (or even most people). I don't know very many people who I think could handle a polygamous lifestyle. It would require a certain kind of person to understand and not become jealous of the other wives/husbands in the family. However, I think that people who can be a part of a healthy, polygamous family should be able to do so.

Blech! Now that I've got that all out of my system, I feel much better. Please do comment on the post whether you agree or disagree with anything I've said here. I look forward to seeing opinions! :)

Wedding Updates!

Hello to all. I have not been able to blog as much as I would like recently. As I have said before, wedding planning takes up a lot of time. I have no idea how some couples do this in such a short amount of time. I would be pulling my hair out!

I have hopefully found a venue. I am SUPER excited about it. I have not received the final okay on it yet (from the venue), but I am keeping my fingers crossed (you can too!). It is Chickies Rock Park in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. It is absolutely beautiful.
Am I right or am I right?? It's gorgeous. And, it's incredibly convenient. It's right in Lancaster (where many of Philip's family lives). There are hotels, bars, restaurants, etc., right in the area. I fell in love with it immediately. I think it will be perfect! :)

Also, for convenience sake, Philip and I will be getting legally married on September 24, 2010... a full year before our real wedding ceremony. In Colorado, it is incredibly easy and convenient to get married. It will mean that we will get some excellent tax breaks which will allow us to pay for the real wedding. :) And, that means I can be added to Philip's insurance sooner. We do not want to take away from our actual ceremony with friends and family, so we are not going to exchange rings and I will not be changing my name yet. We are just doing the legal part. But, we are doing it on the same day as our wedding so that there will never be any question as to the date of our anniversary. :)

I am really excited about doing this because it means we can have whoever we want do our actual ceremony in Pennsylvania (since the ceremony does not have to be legal)... so, we can have a friend or relative do the ceremony. I think it would be more meaningful that way. So, any friends interested in performing our wedding ceremony, please let us know! I already have some ideas for it. And, I'm really excited! :D

I think that's about all for now. We have decided some other details, but I don't want to give it all away... it'd be nice for there to be some surprises at our wedding! :)

Quarter of a Century

Well, last Tuesday (August 3rd), I turned 25... a quarter of a century. When said like that, it sounds pretty old. ;)

However, it doesn't really feel old. It doesn't really feel any different than 24. And 24 was pretty effing wonderful. I am incredibly happy. And, unlike most people, I am looking forward to the next few years. I am excited about getting older.

I can't wait to get married and start a family. And, Philip and I are on our way to getting to that point. :)

We've been discussing marriage recently. We will probably be getting married next fall. :) And, munchkins will come shortly after that... just as soon as we can actually afford them. haha We want three... preferably 2 boys first and then a girl, but we'll take three healthy children no matter what sex they are. :)

So, turning a quarter of a century isn't really a big deal to me... and I doubt that 30 will be either. I mean, how can 30 be that much different than 29? Age is just a number. :)

I don't tend to worry about numbers. Maybe I will when that number starts to approach three quarters of a century old... I guess we'll find out in about 50 years. :)

Can anyone make it anymore?

Many of the people I knew from high school have gotten married or even had children. Many of those have even divorced. Some of them have been married and divorced multiple times. For the most part, I haven't really been surprised. It never seems that people have the right idea about marriage. It's always, "well, if this doesn't work out, there's always divorce." Our society has gone from thinking that marriage is eternal to thinking that marriage is disposable.

I firmly believe that marriage is forever. Once I take that vow, I will do what needs to be done to make a marriage work. It's a promise that I intend to keep.

The divorce rate is crazy high. I think it's because people have the wrong ideas about what marriage is supposed to be about. Marriage is not going to be all butterflies and rainbows. There are going to be problems. They have to be worked through. I think people also get married way too soon. People get married when they've had six months of bliss. People should be together for at least two years before getting married. And two years in high school or two years in college does not count. They have to be two years in the real world. The world with jobs/careers, paying bills, and having a real, grown-up life.

Anyway, as I was saying before, most of the time, I am not surprised when someone I know gets divorced. Disappointed, yes, but surprised, no. However, every now and then someone I know who seems to have really thought things through and had it all together gets divorced. And no matter how much or how little I know them, it hurts me.

It crushes that much more hope out of me. It leaves that lingering feeling that maybe no one really can make it. Maybe it's just too much to ask of two people. And that is a seriously depressing thought to me.

So, I usually wallow in that for a while, but then I still have to come back to that hope that I have. It can be done. I have seen it. I know it's out there and that it's possible. I have seen people who have been married for fifty years and are still happy despite everything that has happened in the time of their marriage. And that gives me hope. It is possible. And I will have it. :)

Sad news...

My neighbor passed away on Tuesday afternoon. Her husband is moving to Florida today. It's where his kids live and they're making him move. She didn't have a funeral. She was cremated. They have to pick up her cremains and then they're leaving for Florida.

She and her husband had a really sweet plan for their deaths. Suzie was the first to die, so Jay will hold on to her cremains until he dies. Then, when he dies, their kids will mix their cremains together and bury them together.

They were such a wonderful couple. They had been married for over 48 years, but they were still in love.

She was only 67 years old. And she was still really active. She didn't seem old at all. It just doesn't seem real. She was fighting like crazy for her life. She shouldn't have really lived as long as she did (after she had the heart attack when she first went into the hospital). She was a really strong supporter of Barrack Obama. She's been talking about him to us the whole time we've lived there. She thought that he was going to do great things for our country. Her daughter turned on the inauguration for her to listen to on Tuesday. She got to hear him be sworn in and listen to the speech that he gave. She died shortly after that. So, at least she got to hear what she had been waiting and hoping for before she died.

I'm really not dealing well with the situation. I don't think Joe is either. We loved our neighbors, and now they're gone. Jay is talking about coming back soon. He doesn't want to live with his kids in Florida. He wants to live in the home that he made with Suzie. I want him to come back, but only if it's going to be what is best for him.

It's funny to me that they were married for 48 years and still had such a wonderful relationship. My grandparents were married for roughly that long and they were miserable. They didn't like each other. My grandma didn't even cry at my grandpa's funeral. She was in the early stages of Alzheimers, but I don't think that that was the only reason. It gives me hope to see a couple that is still so happy and in love after almost 50 years together. And it breaks my heart to see them torn apart by death much too soon.

News in my life

After spending the last several days laying around and forcing myself to drink inordinate amounts of juice and water, I am starting to feel better. :) I still have a bit of a cough, but I can breathe and I feel human again.

New years was nice. We spent it with Philip and Richard. ha... that makes it sound like they're some gay couple that we know. I'm sure they would appreciate that. :) Anyway, we didn't even drink. We played some games and goofed off. We got some pizza at the Italian restaurant near Philip's apartment. Joe and I crashed there. We spent all day there too, until Philip had to go to work at about 6:00. It was very relaxed. :)

Next, sad news. I don't remember if I blogged about this or not, but my ex-boyfriend got married last month. Mid-December. He got his teenage girlfriend pregnant and his mom pressured them into getting married. Anyway, she was 4 months along (into her second trimester). They told my parents that they could be grandma and grandpa, too, since they've been there for them too. Which, I am fine with. My mom crocheted 3 baby blankets. The first one was unisex but my dad thought it was ugly (I thought it was very pretty though!), so she started making a boy blanket and a girl blanket for whichever sex they had (which I think is unneccesary - a girl can have blue and a boy can have pink... grrrr.). Anyway, they bought toys and were excited about it despite being disappointed that Michael was marrying this girl. Even more excited than Michael's parents. Michael's mom wasn't excited at all. She was dreading it. She says she's not finished with Michael, so she shouldn't be having grandkids. I told her that she'll never be finished raising Michael, so she might as well start moving on now! :)

That actually wasn't the sad news. Here it is: Thursday Ashley started having pains. Tawnya (Michael's mom... who happens to be a nurse) told her that it was probably gas an to ignore it. Well, Friday, she started spot bleeding as well. Tawnya again told her to ignore it. Later that night, Michael ignored his mom and took Ashley to the emergency room. They did an ultrasound. The baby is tiny but fully formed. They could see it's arms and legs, but it had no heartbeat. For some reason, the baby died inside of her. They don't know what happened. Ashley and Michael were heartbroken, but Tawnya continued to be cold about it. They told Ashley that she could wait 2 weeks to see if the baby will abort on its own (it's better that way because there is less chance of infection), or they could do a D & C to remove the fetus. She went in last night with more pains. So, they will be doing the D & C today.

I can't imagine knowing that my baby is dead inside of me. And then to have to deal with them basically scraping the baby out is just awful. A D & C is what they do in the case of a first trimester abortion. It's disturbing to me. I don't believe in abortion, so the fact that the baby would be removed in the same way just seems degrading. This baby was unexpected, but wanted by its parents.

My mom was heartbroken. I sat on the phone with her and cried for a while. I feel for Michael and Ashley. This would be hard on any marriage, but especially hard on one that was entirely based on the child who no longer exists. I hope that this will bring them closer together and not further apart.