How to have a HAPPY relationship

First of all, start with a partner that you can tolerate. (haha) I know that seems really simple, but it's the most common mistake. This partnership cannot last just because you love someone. I've been in 3 serious relationships. I loved the first two men so much... but that didn't make any difference. By the end of the relationships, I had started to hate both of them. I wasn't compatible with either of them but I had convinced myself that love was enough. I was wrong.

Here is my list of things that you need to have in common in order to have a happy, healthy relationship:

1. You need to be sexually compatible. If one of you is a sex addict and the other has a low or even normal sex drive, the relationship is not going to work.
2. You need to have similar goals. If one of you wants a dozen kids and the other wants none, the relationship is not going to work.
3. You need to have similar personalities. If one of you is a LOT more dominant than the other, one person is always going to get walked all over. The relationship will not work that way.
4. You need to have things in common. I know they say opposites attract (I've been a victim), but if you don't have any common ground, the relationship will not work.
5. You need to be your own person (same goes for your partner). If you don't have a life outside of your partner, the relationship will not work. You need to have hobbies and interests that are your own. You cannot spend every waking second with your partner; you'll get sick of each other eventually.
6. You need to have TRUST. If you don't trust your partner, why have you chosen them to be your partner? Your partner is supposed to be your confidant; the person you choose to spend your life with. If you can't trust your partner, who can you trust? If you have insecurities, figure them out. If your partner is not worthy of your trust, kick them to the curb. If a relationship does not have trust, there is NO relationship. It's just not going to work.

I'd like to expand on what I've said in a few of those rules. If you do not allow your partner to have his or her own life, they are going to resent you. Let me give an example. A bunch of Philip's coworkers want him to go to Las Vegas with them in August as a sort of bachelor party. His coworkers thought that it would be hell getting me to agree to that. So did my friends. Do you know what I said when Philip told me about it? My exact words: That's a great idea!

I didn't have to stop to think about it. I was appalled that other people thought I wouldn't allow it. I TRUST Philip. I know Philip is a wonderful partner. I know that he would not do anything to hurt me. I want Philip to be happy. I want him to go out and do things with his friends. I know that he wants to go to Vegas. So, why would I not let him go? It's ridiculous to think that I would have a problem with it.

If I did not trust Philip to spend a weekend in Vegas with his buddies, I'd have to ask myself why I was marrying him. If I couldn't trust him for 3 days without me, what kind of relationship is that?

I think this is one of the biggest problems in relationships. There is no trust and people are not allowing their partners to be themselves. Philip loves video games. He plays them fairly often. I have no problem with it. He has a friend whose wife will not allow him to play video games very often. He has to ask permission and even then, he can typically only play when his wife is at work. What kind of relationship is that?

As Philip's partner, I want him to be happy. I know that video games (among other things) make him happy. Why would I not let him play video games? I mean, I would understand the wife if it was all Philip's friend ever did, but come on people. Your partner should still be able to be his or herself. That means that they should still be able to do what they want to do without you flipping your lid. It's beyond ridiculous.

Be a good partner. It makes the relationship much simpler. If you're in a relationship that isn't working, take a look at yourself. Are you being a good partner? If not, maybe you should become one and see how the relationship works then. If you're a good partner and your relationship still isn't working, you may want to check to see if your partner is a good partner. If he or she isn't, have a chat. See if they know that they're being a bad partner. If they aren't willing to be a good partner to you, it may be time to accept that you and your partner just aren't compatible.