Blah, blah, blah

So, I'm bored. I dislike my job. I want to quit, but I cannot. I need the money (I would complain about the mortgage payment but I love the house too much to do so). The economy is beyond sucking. So, I cannot find another job. It pretty much blows. A lot. I've been trying to stay positive about my job. It's hard to do though. I'm sick of it. At least I have my Fridays off now. It makes it much easier to tolerate.

Even though I am currently stuck, I've been trying to think about what I want to do with my life. What have I come up with? Nothing. I have no idea. I'm completely lost. What do I want to do with my life? A million different things. I've thought about going to seminary. I've thought about becoming a cop (weird, huh?!). I've thought about becoming a nurse (scary considering the fact that I'm a belonephobiac). Most of what I've really thought about requires more education. I'm kind of, sort of ready to go back to school... almost. But, I couldn't go back to school right now even if I was ready because of financial reasons.

What I'm dreaming about now is finishing this book and then it creating enough income for myself so that I can stay at home and just write. I know... it's incredibly unlikely. And even if it does happen, I'm sure it will not be for a long time. Especially since I have very little motivation to do much writing. I'm doing a lot of reading right now, but very litting writing. I need to get going in a higher gear. It's just hard to be motivated when I'm feeling lousy about the job and feeling so unsure about where my life is headed.

Ugh. At least things are getting better. I'm watching more of what I eat and I'm getting enough exercise. I've lost some weight. I look better. I'm just waiting for my mind to follow the lead of my body. :)

Wisdom

I got this in an email again, and I still really like it. So, here it is:

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said, "Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help. My baby is not even 1 year old, and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together."

So the doctor said, "Okay, and what do you want me to do about it?"

She replied, "I want to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this."

The doctor thought for a little while, and after some silence he said to the lady, "I think I have
a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too."

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued. "You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms."

The lady was horrified and said, "No, doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!"

"I agree," the doctor replied, "but you seemed to be okay with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution." He smiled, realizing that he had made his point.

He convinced the mother that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one which is still in the womb. The crime is the same!

25 Things About Me...

Well, I gave in on Facebook, so I thought I'd put them on here as well.

1. I don't like peas, cooked carrots, or brussel sprouts.

2. I lived in a trailer until I was 17 years old.

3. I had lived at 13369 South Rose Road in Plymouth, Indiana for my entire life until I came to Catawba. I moved off campus my sophomore year. I've since lived in 4 different places (so 6 different places since high school).

4. My mom got pregnant with me when she was a senior in high school (oops!).

5. I've only ever had 2 real boyfriends (the only 2 boys I ever kissed).

6. If I ever do have children, they will be homeschooled by me for at least the elementary years. I also refuse to leave my children with a babysitter or daycare while I have a career. Either myself or my partner will have to stay home with the kids. I refuse to have children and then ask someone else to raise them.

7. I have crushes on 4 fictional characters: Sylar (Gabriel Gray -- Heroes), Leonard (Big Bang Theory), Sheldon (Big Bang Theory), and Edward Cullen (Twilight).

8. I can only find someone physically attractive if I'm attracted to their personality. I've thought that people were ugly before, and then I found out that other people thought that they were hot. Then I realized that I just thought that they were ugly because their personalities were ugly. You can see a real example by looking at my first boyfriend. lol... but, seriously.

9. I'm currently writing a novel. It's about aliens. :)

10. I love animals. I'm a pacifist, but when I see someone hurt an animal, it is very hard to restrain myself from ripping their hearts from their chests. :) Also, I get really upset by roadkill. On Christmas Eve, Joe and I were driving to his family's house and the person in front of us ran over a squirrel. I cried uncontrollably for the next half hour. I also cried when someone killed a bee in my office. I don't like killing of any kind. From humans to ants. They all matter to me.

11. I'm a vegetarian. I'm pro-life. I'm against the death penalty.

12. I have a tattoo of a checkered flag on my right ankle. I don't regret getting the tattoo, but I wish I would have gotten something else. I had wanted to get "Lyn" (my middle name) tattooed in the same spot, but my aunt talked me out of it because she said it sounded like something a prostitute would do so they could identify her body when it showed up in a dumpster. So, I picked the checkered flags. I wish I would have gone with "Lyn."

13. When I have children, I'm going to teach them that swearing is only what ignorant people do because their vocabularies aren't large enough to express what they're feeling. Which means that if Joe and I have kids, we have to stop swearing. :)

14. The only ice cream that I really like is butter pecan. Other than that, I only really think of ice cream as a topping. It goes on cookies, cake, pie, brownies, and just about any dessert. Although, I also like vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and pineapple. Mmmmm...

15. Cookie dough is my enemy. I can't stop eating it. It's so delicious. I eat cookie dough far more often than what I actually make cookies. It's insane.

16. I sleep in the nude. I can't stand to wear clothing to bed. I get hot and also it tends to bunch up. If I wear a shirt, it feels like it's strangling me when I wake up.

17. I only wear thong underwear. When Joe and I first started dating, he thought it was sexy. Now he thinks I'm weird. :) It's the only thing that I think is comfortable. Regular underwear drive me nuts and I spend the whole time wearing them thinking of how uncomfortable they are and hiding in places where I can pull all of that fabric back into place where it's supposed to be. Ahhh!!

18. Joe and I adopted a puppy in October of 2007 from a shelter in Gaston County. She ended up having parvo and dying. I took care of her for a week before she died. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen, and I helped take care of my grandma multiple times while she was in the hospital. I was scared to death to get another dog for a while after that. It's the most awful thing I've ever seen.

19. I love Heroes. In fact, I am still holding a grudge against the Carolina Panthers because one of their games caused Heroes to be rescheduled for 2 pm the next day. It was unacceptable.

20. I don't like Romeo & Juliet. I don't think it's romantic. I don't believe that they could have been in love. I think it's ridiculous.

21. I hate shaving my legs. Most of the time, I only shave my legs to right above my knee. That's the only part that people usually see. Plus, the hair above my knee is really light so it's hard to see. Sometimes I go months without shaving my whole leg. But I just did earlier this week. So, I'm probably good for a while. lol

22. I started learning to read when I was 3 years old. My mom always read and I wanted to be like her. I drove her nuts about it until she finally gave in (she thought I was too young to learn). I was a fast learner. My mom thought it was so cool that she tried to teach my sister before she started kindergarten. It didn't go over well. It ended with my sister telling my mom that she hated her. Oops. :S

23. My first real birthday party was when I was 17. It falls in the summer (August 3), so school was always out and my friends couldn't come.

24. I believe in Process Theology. Look it up. Ask if you're interested.

25. I don't believe in heaven or hell. Some people ask me why I continue to try to be a good person if there is no promise of heaven and no threat of hell. Those people are the reason our world is in this mess. People should be good people simply because it is the right thing to do. Not because they will be rewarded/punished for what they do.

Random Life...

My weight loss program isn't going so hot. I've stayed pretty much the same weight. I'm noticing that I look and feel better though, so at least I've got that.

This weather is going to drive me crazy. I don't know whether I love it or I hate it. It's insane because it's in the 70s in February. February is winter. It should not be 70 degrees until at least April. At least. Probably not until May or June. At least I got to see snow twice this winter. Damn early spring. That groundhog was so wrong. Even if it isn't supposed to be like this, it is so nice!

We went hiking on Sunday. We went to Joe's Uncle Joe's property at South Mountain. We took all 4 dogs because they don't have to be on leashes there. They just walk a little big ahead of Joe and I. They had a wonderful time. We hiked to the waterfall and then Joe and I had lunch. There was still ice on the water around the edges (even though it was in the 70s), but that didn't stop Cody, Daly, and Jippy from jumping in (of course Jack stayed out of that cold water! He wouldn't have jumped in if it were warm!). Jippy stopped after one time, but Cody and Daly just kept going back in. Cody kept trying to get the huge chunks of ice (like he normally does with sticks that we throw in the water). It was really cute. Joe tried to help him get a big piece with a stick, but then Cody just became more interested in the stick than the ice. He's adorable. Anyway, we hiked back to the road after a while.

I don't know if I blogged about this yet, but my hours have been rearranged at work and now I only work 7:30 to 5:30 Monday through Thursday and I have a 3 day weekend. It is so wonderful. I can actually get things done around the house! This Friday, I will be devoting less time to cleaning and organizing the house (as I have done the past 2 Fridays), and instead, I will be working some more on my book. News about the book: our computer crashed last week and I lost all that I had typed up about the book. No, I didn't have it backed up anywhere. However, I do have a handwritten version of all of my notes and outlines. :)

Also, I don't think I blogged about this either. Joe and I have talked about getting married. I know, we're insane. Don't worry; it will still be a while. We've just decided that whenever it happens, we are now ready for it. We want to take several days off work and rent a cabin in the mountains. A cabin big enough for a lot of people. We're going to invite our closest relatives and friends (definitely no more than 50 people, but probably closer to 30). Anyone who would like to stay at the cabin is welcome to. We'll spend a few days hanging out, then have a very small ceremony on our anniversary (September 23). Then after that, we'll have a reception and hang out for a while and then kick everyone out so that we can have a short honeymoon. :)

So far, we are thinking probably 2011. We have our vacation for this year planned (KOREA in less than a month!!!) and we are planning on going to Rome next year, but we have no vacation plans so far for 2011. So, don't make any plans for September 23, 2011. It's quite possible that you'll be attending our wedding. :) Of course, Joe still has to officially ask me to marry him. But that is just a minor detail. lol :) With plans for 2011, I don't think there is any real hurry. It's still 2.5 years away!

Okay... So, maybe I am a bad person.

Someone I knew throughout Elementary, Middle, and high school asked to be my friend on Facebook a few days ago (I actually had a crush on him in the 3rd grade). I confirmed, but I didn't look at his profile. So, today he showed up on my newsfeed. I clicked on him to see what's been going on in his life. It wasn't all that interesting. He's younger than me but he's been married for 3 years (yikes). He works as a cop in a podunk town next to the one we grew up in. He seems to be happy. He looks the same as I remember. He was a good enough guy and I hope that the happiness that he's showing is legitimate.

As I was looking at his profile, I noticed that he had recently become friends with a few of our other classmates. I was never friends with those people. They were always snooty and worthless people. The thought they were better than everyone and were mean. Well, I couldn't help myself. I had to look at their profiles.

Here comes the part where I'm a bad person. Each of them wasn't as sucessful as I have been. And it made me a little happy inside. None of them had graduated from college. A few had gained a bunch of weight and were not nearly as attractive as they once were. Some had already had a child or children. I know I'm awful. I just like that I've been able to make it this far without screwing up and they hadn't. It's just nice that there was actually some karma for what horrible people they were as I was growing up.

Now I have to make up for being a horrible person so that karma won't catch up with me! :)

Last Evening...

I was very proud of myself last night. I was very productive.

I've noticed that I've put on a few pounds in the past few months. I've become a bum, so my bum has gotten bigger and I have noticeable love handles. The bum I can deal with, but I am not a fan of love handles. Especially when they're only there because I've been lazy. It's too easy of a fix to let myself get love handles.

I'm lucky. I have a high metabolism. When I am relatively active, I have no problems keeping weight off. By relatively active, I mean go for a walk a few times a week. I've had more problems with laziness since graduating. I go to work. I sit at a desk for most of the day. I come home and don't want to do anything. While at Catawba, I walked everywhere. I was really active. So, weight wasn't a problem. And I ate a lot because I worked it off. Well, I've kept the same eating habits, but not the same activity habits.

Yesterday, I weighed myself. I have never ever weighed more than 118 lbs. Usually I'm between 110 and 115. I told myself that I would never let myself get over 120 lbs (without extenuating circumstances like pregnancy). Well, I am really ashamed to admit this, but I know that telling other people will motivate me to work harder to get rid of the weight. The scale showed my weight as 121.5 with clothes on. I don't know how much my clothes weigh, but I hope it's a few pounds!

It was scary for me to see. I know that some of you will think, "Boo hoo. That's not bad," but it is bad for me and I'm the only one who counts. I don't let my weight get too low and I don't let my weight get too high (by my standards). Below 108 is far too low and above 120 is far too high, for me. Yes, I know. It's not fat. I'm not saying that I'm obese or even overweight by most standards, but it is more than my ideal weight. I'm not trying to make people to feel bad because they are heavier or say that 120 lbs is fat (I don't think it is). I just think that 120 is to much for me (also, keep in mind that I'm only 5'3" and I have small bone structure).

Blah, blah, blah... Anyway, moving on... Last night, I worked out. For about 45 minutes. I did a 10 minute run. Then I did crunches. Then I did the inversion table. Then I walked for 20 minutes at a steep incline on the treadmill. Then I did more crunches. Then I did weights. Then I did a cool down stretch. And, afterwards, I was really proud of myself. :) I also did not have dessert last night... which I've been having a lot of lately. lol

And, after my workout, I played with my boys for a little while. Then I went to the office and worked on my book for about an hour. It's the most work I've done on it so far. I know, I'm bad. I've been doing lots of brainstorming before bed, but I actually started doing some writing and outlining and organizing last night. I was very impressed. And I like where my book is going. :) Oh, and as a very, very, very, very small teaser... the name of the planet where the aliens are from is going to be called "Aleutia." So, the aliens are actually Aleutians. I'm very happy with that name. It took me a little while to figure out a name that I liked. And, the main characters names will be Alex (or Lexix as he is called on Aleutia), and the human's name is June. I may actually change June's name. What do you think? Give me some feedback.

And then I couldn't sleep. I thought working out was supposed to help you be able to sleep? I guess I'll have to do some more before I see a difference. :)

UPDATE: I forgot to say that I lost one pound after just one day. My weight on Wednesday was 120.5. :)

Heroes + Pro-Life Thoughts

So, I started off naming this post "Heroes + Abortion Thoughts", but then when I thought about it, I thought it might give people the wrong idea ("Tara! You're pregnant?! And you're having an abortion!?" ... Oh, how the rumors would fly.).

Anyway, last night was the return of Heroes after a 2 month long hiatus. I was going nuts! I love HEROES! It was pretty good; I wasn't disappointed. Now I can't wait until Monday to see another new episode! I think that I will probably start going through some of the stuff on NBC's website. The extra heroes stuff. They have online episodes which are different from the ones aired on television. They focus on different characters and such. It sounds cool but I don't know if it could be as cool as the show aired on tv. I mean, it is AWESOME! :)

Also, on a completely different note, the other day I heard people talking on the radio about abortion. There was some excuse about how this woman would have to raise the child on her own and she was having the abortion for the child's sake so that it wouldn't have to grow up like that. It made me think. How many kids do you really think actually sit down and think, "My life sucks. I wish my mom would have had an abortion." ??? I don't think it would be very many.

I mean, my mom was still in high school when she got pregnant with me. She went to her senior prom alone and very pregnant. She graduated VERY pregnant with me. She had morning sickness all throughout her pregnancy with me. She married my dad and moved into a trailer. She must have been miserable and frightened. We were incredibly poor up until I was about high school age. My dad was mean (not a good father or husband) up until I was in high school (long story... it took my mom leaving him to figure out not to take us for granted). But, I have never once thought, "You know, I wouldn't have to be here in these miserable circumstances if my mom would have just had an abortion."

And I worked with underprivileged kids at KMS in Salisbury. A lot of their parents were in jail or were addicts. Some of them were homeless or living in a group home. I can't imagine one of them wishing that their mothers had just aborted them. They were struggling, but still happy to be surviving.

Joe's mother got pregnant with him at the age of 16 (and she had already had one child! And she had 3 more after that. There are at least 3 different fathers for them... no one is exactly sure). She was a drug addict. A lot of pro-choice people would have agreed that it would have been best to abort the fetus. Where would I be now if that were the case? I can't imagine not meeting Joe.

Joe had a hard life growing up. He'll tell you that. While he's a little on the crazy side, does he seem to be any worse off now than most people who grew up in normal homes? I don't think so. I think he is a wonderful human being.

I may have become more liberal during my stay at Catawba, but I will never ever be Pro-Choice. Nothing will ever make me sway from my Pro-Life stance. I don't believe in killing of any kind. Especially not that innocent fetus inside of you with so much potential. No one will ever convince me otherwise.

Ungrateful Hudson Crash Survivors...

As I was driving into Charlotte on Saturday morning, I was listening to the radio. I heard something very disheartening. They were discussing survivors of the Hudson plane crash who are now going to sue the airline.

Surely I cannot be the only person who is outraged by this. It's absolutely ridiculous!

The airline gave every passenger $5,000.00 to cover everything lost in the crash. That seems fair to me. I certainly never travel with more than a few hundred dollars worth of items. Maybe someone could file a complaint if they had an expensive camera or laptop or something of the sort. But I'm hearing $2 million dollars and $10 million dollar lawsuits. !!!

(U.S. Airways is also offering upgrades, etc. for all of the passengers on the plane as well, and people are upset because they think U.S. Airways is being stingy.)

Is this not insane?!?! The plane crashed because of birds getting caught in the engine. There was nothing that could have been done. That plane should have crashed into buildings or something in a city like New York, and thousands of people should have died. But that didn't happen. The pilot somehow managed to land in the Hudson River and didn't kill or hurt any bystanders AND somehow everyone ON the plane survived as well with only minor injuries! THIS IS A MIRACLE!!

And now people want to be greedy and find ways to suck U.S. Airways dry for something that couldn't have been helped?? I'm just completely outraged. It doesn't make any sense for me.

These people should be out celebrating that they are ALIVE instead of worrying about that damn blackberry that they lost in the crash or how much they can make of of this.

It makes me sick that there are people who would be so greedy and ungrateful. Their lives were spared and all they can think of is how to make a buck. It's disgusting.

Folks, take a look at the state of our world today. This is a fine example.